From the moment I first sat down at a poker table, one question has followed me:
What’s it like to be a woman in poker?
I’m happy to share my perspective.
In answering this question, I’d be remiss not to state the obvious — I’ve never played poker as anything but a woman. I don’t have any alternative experience to form a comparison
I’ve always played poker as… well… me, which brings me to my first point — my women’s poker book.
Early on in my career, I set out to write a beginner’s poker book. I had already been working as a writer and thought, hey, I will leverage my writing skills to produce a how-to poker book that wasn’t painfully boring. After all, most poker books are written by poker players rather than by writers.
Hence, my book, A Girl’s Guide to Poker, was born.
Poker from a Female Perspective
Then something funny happened — something I could have never expected. My beginner’s poker book was suddenly branded as a women’s poker book. Even though it was for all beginners, the title and personal voice led some to assume it was “for women only.”
This rating was not my intention (despite the Legally Blonde jokes and dating app references). No — it was simply supposed to be my voice.
So goes the plight of the female poker player. Everything we do is cast through this lens as we go about our business and bluffs. It’s not a poker player betting chips — it’s a woman poker player betting chips.
We are “women” at the poker table rather than simply “players”
Every decision is magnified by that label.
It’s an experience of hyper self-consciousness and can make many women uncomfortable, highly scrutinised and playing under a microscope.
But it’s also a journey I’d recommend for almost any woman.
There’s something incredibly powerful about navigating this unique space — owning your place at the table.
Teaching Women How to Play Poker
The publication of my book led to a variety of other opportunities — namely, teaching women’s poker classes for the organisation Poker Power. I helped design the company’s curriculum and taught hundreds upon hundreds of women how to play poker.
In doing so, I learned quite a few things.
- What struck me most was the difference between teaching high school girls and adult corporate women.
- When Poker Power started, it primarily focused on using poker to empower high school girls. The idea was that learning poker would help them with math, problem-solving, and, most importantly, confidence.
The students in the class had a blast. These girls regularly laughed and bluffed all their chips away, trying to make a move on their friends. They were like maniacal gamblers—much like their same-age male peers – on the hunt for the best places where to play poker in Vegas.
Teaching Executive Women How to Play Poker
Then, the company shifted its strategy to teaching high-level executive women at big banks and major corporations. The questions in my classes changed from “Why would I ever fold?” to “Why would I ever bluff?”
Something had clearly happened to these women between ages 15 and 45.
- My teenage girl students were fearless.
- My adult female students were petrified.
As their strategy teacher, I saw this caution as a clear disadvantage.
- You cannot win in poker playing this way.
- You cannot coast by winning a few small pots.
- You cannot wait for aces.
- You cannot succeed by implementing passivity — “playing like a girl.”
You have to adopt a high aggression frequency to truly compete. Even computer poker programs and strategy poker books can measure and recommend specific aggression thresholds — these women were clearly not hitting the mark.
Only some of my students were like this. But I did watch a clear plurality wrestle with turning up
Playing poker as a woman can feel like you’re breaking some secret unspoken code — like you’re shattering the glass ceiling.
You are faced with two choices:
- You can either play predictably and agreeably, as society expects you, leading to later feeling outclassed, trounced, and victimised.
- Or you can deviate from everything you’re told and play with enthusiasm and conviction.
Succeeding in this game requires ferocity. To those who find it, it’s one of the most satisfying experiences in the world.
One of the greatest rushes is surprising people and defying expectations — women at poker tables are naturally positioned to do this.
In a game where the goal is to confuse your opponent, this exercise in dynamism is hugely exhilarating.
The Greatest Feeling — Finding Power in Poker
When I began my poker journey, I was a young political writer living in Washington, D.C., feeling small and inconsequential. It felt as though the problems of the world were unchangeable and insurmountable.
My image was that of a barking puppy — a tiny little terrier begging for someone to listen.
That changed when I played poker. I became an “end boss” in poker lingo!
Whereas I felt disempowered and silenced in my own life, people listened when I was betting chips. Sure, people could ignore my barking — but what they couldn’t ignore was a decision for their entire tournament.
All I had to do was slide my stack in the middle. I felt like I finally had a voice — channelled through brightly-coloured plastic poker chips.
So, while women can face a lot of negativity and discrimination at the poker table — including low expectations — my experience overall has been overwhelmingly positive.
Playing poker has been like flexing a muscle I didn’t previously know existed.
There are undoubtedly downsides to playing in a casino. It’s a boys’ club, and people can be offensive intentionally by saying rude things or even unintentionally by grossly underestimating you. It happens.
Overall, I’m grateful to have found poker because it has given me renewed strength.
So, what’s it like playing poker as a woman?
Empowering — it’s breaking beyond limits, even those imposed by myself.
